Skip to my Lou.

16 days ❤️🇺🇸💙 I can’t wait until you’re home safe.

The Blind Leading the Blind

I have 4 minutes until my first client walks in the door. I’m not even close to ready for that moment; I have to undo my station still, pick out and apply the perfect lip color for whatever today might lay in my lap and yet I can’t imagine doing any of that before I get these words out of my system. I know that if I leave them to live inside my fingertips and crawl up the veins that lead to my heart, they’ll end up in my head all day and eventually find their way out through my tear ducts.

On my way to work this morning with Eila in the backseat there was a blind man crossing the street with his white stick and a troubled face. He happened to be crossing a busy intersection as traffic was coming his direction and was making his way in front of my car when something signaled him to turn right, sending him down the middle of the road and next to my drivers side door. As I saw him struggle for a few seconds, I was having my own battle as to what to do. It wasn’t long before my heart took over and my car door flew open to help him cross the rest of the street. Just as a I did, a man in an SUV across the road got out and said, “Get in your car!!! There are all sorts of dangerous people who do this type of thing! You can’t help him!!” I got in my car again, looked in the rear view mirror at my precious little girl and began to cry. Pulling my car in to the closest business, I watched the man in the SUV yell commands to the blind man who did eventually make his way to the side of the road where he was headed and I couldn’t help but feel so emotional about it. This is the world I am raising my daughter in. A world where you have to choose to teach one of two lessons, “help others” or “protect yourself.” It’s a sad reality that you can’t jump out of your car to help a sweet blind man without someone else seeing what could be a ploy. We are raising children to choose either their head or their heart in a world where your heart will get you killed and your head will make you a monster. Today I chose my head. I chose to protect myself and my little love over helping someone else because that’s my job as a mother. Today I chose to tell a 3 year old that you have to be careful and that sometimes when the world is screaming to close your door, you close your door. What I didn’t tell her was that sometimes, closing your door means closing your heart.

Maybe the blind man was a killer and that man saved my life; I’ll never know. I do know that not being able to help another human is part of protecting yourself but today… Today it feels like it’s killing me.

Sometimes missing someone isn’t 4000 miles of ocean and land. It’s not months of time. It’s not anything but saying the 4 things that we always say and thinking, “Man. A hug would be nice.” I love you mama. Amo. Sunshine. Night night. Or as Logan and Eila would say, “Amo. See you when the sunshine comes up!!!!” (And not a minute later) ☀️🚹🚺🕠

Sometimes missing someone isn’t 4000 miles of ocean and land. It’s not months of time. It’s not anything but saying the 4 things that we always say and thinking, “Man. A hug would be nice.” I love you mama. Amo. Sunshine. Night night. Or as Logan and Eila would say, “Amo. See you when the sunshine comes up!!!!” (And not a minute later) ☀️🚹🚺🕠

I’m not sure how they got your number because I didn’t give it to them but when you called and said they called you, it was my “turtle.” It was my sign that you will be in my life forever. I’m not sure if you’ll ever see this but I know I will see you very soon. You, my sweet precious girl are part of my life now. I love you. I will see you on the other side of many travels on both sides. Possibly some babies. And a lot of hard work and love.

I’m not sure how they got your number because I didn’t give it to them but when you called and said they called you, it was my “turtle.” It was my sign that you will be in my life forever. I’m not sure if you’ll ever see this but I know I will see you very soon. You, my sweet precious girl are part of my life now. I love you. I will see you on the other side of many travels on both sides. Possibly some babies. And a lot of hard work and love.

(via idontcare90)